


life isn't all all bunnies and buttercups

by seonghwangel



Series: my nct fics [9]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Fluff and Angst, IM SORRY RENJUN AND RENMIN SHIPPERS, Jisung is soft, Lots of kissing, M/M, Overprotective Jaemin, chenle is lowkey a manipulator, daddy kun is in like one chapter, jaemin is whipped, jealous jaemin??, jeno is a touchy little baby, jeno is literally clueless lol, jisung is crushing hard, mentions of abuse, minor lee jeno/park jisung, so is lucas ten and winwin, these tags are a hot mess, well ten is in like two
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-07-10 09:15:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15946319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seonghwangel/pseuds/seonghwangel
Summary: park jisung is going through some shit.like, a lot of shit.





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> hey welcome to my new fic! 
> 
> if you want to contact me or have any ideas, dm me o my instagram @/hyunjinscherry.
> 
> (first chapter isn't that angst but it's coming, so buckle up)

Jisung gripped his backpack straps tightly in his hands as he walked towards his locker (it took him almost 25 minutes to find it), his head hung low, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Growing up in a small village and then moving to the heart of Seoul isn't an easy task. Especially going to a high-class private school when he's only been to public school all his life.

His suit jacket was long enough to cover his fingertips and he felt uncomfortable in the tight khakis that covered his legs. Students walked past him with their heads up high, some taking confused glances at Jisung, wondering who he was. 

Now, you see, famous actors and musicians' children go to this school. Jisung wasn't the heir of any movie star or performer. He was just Jisung. No wonder no one recognized him.

And now he had to go to this stupid, expensive school, all because his mom's new boyfriend (that Jisung hated) didn't want to get a bad reputation. 

Jisung sighed as he stood in front of his navy blue locker, his fingers attempting the lock code at least 5 times before he finally got it open. He stuffed his newly bought textbooks inside of it, not forgetting to put up a picture of his dad. He smiled sadly at the picture and backed away so that he could close his locker. 

He nearly screamed when the locker door moved to reveal a shorter boy (with oddly colored green hair) smiling brightly at him. The boy laughed (the tone sounding strangely similar to a dolphin) and clapped his hands before doubling over, still laughing. Jisung just stood with his hands by his sides, watching the boy (and honestly he was a bit scared).

"You should've *wheeze* seen your face," the boy tried to say between breaths. Jisung still didn't say anything, taking a few steps away from the boy cautiously. The boy continued to laugh and squeal until someone walked up behind the green haired boy and hit him on the head.

"Leave the new kid alone, Chenle," a boy, even shorter than the so-called 'Chenle', spoke, his brown (almost blonde) hair flopping in front of his face. The brown haired boy looked at Jisung's awkward posture and gave him a small smile. "Sorry about that. He's an idiot. I'm Renjun, what's your name?"

"I-uh-My name's Jisung," Jisung stuttered out, hands still by his sides. The bell rang signaling everyone to get to class and Jisung almost panicked when he remembered that he didn't know where anything was.

"I can help you find your class," Renjun offered, reaching his hand out for Jisung to hand him his schedule. "You have Geometry and Topology first," he explained. Jisung just slowly nodded, not understanding what the hell 'Topology' was.

"Oh, isn't Jaemin in that class?" Chenle spoke up, nudging Renjun. Renjun blushed a bit, handing Jisung his schedule back.

"Yeah. You have a class with my boyfriend, Jaemin," Renjun smiled. "We'll walk you there," Jisung just nodded again, following Renjun and Chenle.

-

"Here we are- Oh, there's Jaemin right there," Renjun spoke, waving his hand at someone in the crowd. Jisung scanned the halls trying to find out who Renjun was motioning to. And when he found out, let's just say that Jisung almost choked.

He had faded pinkish-orange hair, and the most beautiful chocolate brown eyes Jisung has ever seen. His uniform was perfectly fitted and he seemed to have this calming ora wherever he walked. Jisung was snapped out of his dazing once Jaemin wrapped his arms and Renjun and placed a kiss on his nose. Jisung stepped back a bit, watching the two. Chenle seemed to have disappeared, making Jisung third wheel with the couple.

Jaemin finally looked up from Renjun, a made eye contact with Jisung who nearly melted at the simple gesture. "Hey Rennie, who's this?" Jaemin asked, looking Jisung up and down. Jisung began to feel a bit self-conscious as he clutched the hem of his button up in his hands to calm his nerves.

"Oh, this is Jisung. He's new and I was just showing him to his class. Jisung, this is Jaemin," Renjun smiled, looking up at Jaemin, and Jisung swore he saw heart eyes.

"Hey," Jaemin greeted, making Jisung's face begin to burn up.

"Hi," Jisung mentally high-fived himself for not stuttering for the first time.

"Be nice to him or else I'll hunt you down," Renjun playfully threatened, his hands resting on Jaemin's chest. Jaemin just smiled and kissed Renjun lightly.

"Go to class, silly," Jaemin smiled fondly at Renjun who motioned 'I got my eyes on you' slowly backing away.

Jisung quickly turned around and entered the classroom before Jaemin could turn around to see him watching

-

Jisung didn't know anyone in his next two classes. He was paired up with a loud kid named Donghyuck in Physics (who "accidentally" tried to taste the chemicals). And now it was lunch. Jisung never liked lunch. He barely ate anyways. Just the thought of almost a hundred kids all in one room, loudly laughing and screaming with their friends (the word 'friends' was never added to Jisung's dictionary) scared Jisung to death.

He watched everyone walk to the cafeteria and from what he heard, you were allowed to eat in the courtyard. So that's exactly where he went. He took a seat under a maple tree, the shade feeling nice on his warm skin. The loud voices from the cafeteria were muffled, the slight noise calming Jisung's racing mind. Only a few students (less than 20) were out in the courtyard today, so it was fairly peaceful and Jisung was grateful. He rested his head back against the bark of the thick trunk and closed his eyes. For a minute, he felt at ease. His anxiety settled at the pit of his stomach and his body buzzed in serene.

Sadly, his meditating came to a skidding stop when he heard Chenle's dolphin screech. "Jisung-ah! Over here!" Jisung's eyes opened to see Chenle, Renjun, Jaemin, the loud guy from Physics, and some others seated around one of the large tables that sat in the courtyard. Jisung looked around, hoping that Chenle was talking about some other Jiusng (his name was pretty common in Korea) to no avail. Jisung looked back at Chenle who was flailing his arms around frantically, motioning Jisung over to the group. Jisung's heart pounded in his chest. More people he had to introduce himself to. He sighed and stood up, slinging his backpack over one shoulder and took his time, dragging his feet towards the group.

Chenle patted a spot next to him and Jisung smiled shyly, sitting down. Everyone's eyes were on him as the previous conversations began to die down. he felt as if he was intruding and the thought made him wiggle in his seat awkward.

"You were right, Chenle. He is adorable," one guy with black hair spoke, squishing Jisung's cheeks. Jisung didn't know what to do other than sit there and let him coo over him. "Can I adopt you?"

"Mark, he just got here. Don't scare him off already," Renjun sighed. He was seated in Jaemin's lap and the sight made Jisung's fake smile falter a bit. 'Mark' pouted and sat back down next to the guy from physics.

"Sorry, let me start over. Hi, I'm Mark," Jisung muttered a quiet 'hello' back.

"I'm Donghyuck, the cute one," Donghyuck did a series of aegyo and Jisung couldn't contain the giggle that left his mouth. 

"No! I'm the cute one! Jisung, am I cute?" Chenle smiled sweetly at Jisung, poking his own cheeks and making a cute (squeal?) sound. Jisung nodded, still laughing at his antics. Donghyuck and Chenle argued back and forth on who was cuter and Jisung watched with an amused smile, letting out a laugh every now and then.

"I'm Jeno. The only sane one," Jeno introduced himself with the purest eye smile that Jisung had ever seen.

"I'm Ji-"

"Oh, we already know. Renjun and Chenle won't shut up about you," Jeno cut him off making Jisung blush, looking down at his lap.

Jisung felt a pair of eyes on him. He lifted his head as his eyes connected with Jaemin's once again. Jaemin had a small smile on his face as he watched Jisung's blush grow.

"Okay! It's decided!" Chenle shouted.

"What's decided?" Mark asked, confused.

"Jisung is now our child," Chenle announced making Jiusng smile.

"How do you know I'm younger than you all?" Jisung teased.

"Because-wait-what year were you born in?"

"2002,"

Chenle clapped and threw his arms up in triumph. "Yes! I'm not the maknae anymore! You are now legally my child and I shall protect you," Chenle cheered, throwing his arms around Jisung. Everyone laughed going back to the conversations. Jisung began talking to Chenle, Mark, Donghyuck, and Jeno fell into a conversation, and Jaemin and Renjun whispered to eachother, giggling every now and then. Jisung tried not to pay attention to the way Jaemin held Renjun's hands or the way they looked at eachother.

You can't have a crush on someone on the first day of meeting them.

Yeah...

You totally can't.

Especially when he has a boyfriend.


	2. two

Jisung was now beginning to regret letting Chenle add him to their group chat.

toes and hoes

lele: WHO'S TRYNA GO TO OUR SPOT TODAY

ren: idk i wanna cuddle with minnie 

billie jen(o): *gags in single* i'll go with you lele

markue: i'll go too

michael jackson: ill go if mark is going

lele: JAEMIN PLEASE TELL RENNIE TO COME OR ELSE ILL CRY

minnie mouse: he's literally reading the messages just tell him yourself lmao

lele: i know but he only listens to you

minnie mouse: are you- are you using me?

lele: i sure am now tell rennie to go

lele: OH JISUNGIEEE! DO YOU WANNA GO TOO?

jiSUNGIEEEEEE: um idk...

jiSUNGIEEEEEE: i dont want to intrude or anything

ren: YOU'RE NOT INTRUDING!! YOU'RE OUR CHILD PLEASE COME

lele: oh now he wants to speak

ren: idc i love jisung 

lele: it's okay. i can relate

lele: soooOOOo are you coming

michael jackson: pleaAASsseee?

billie jen(o): PLEASEEEE??

markue: PLEeeeeaAAASSEEE~?

minnie mouse: please come jisung 

okay, i'll go

lele: YAYAY text me your adress and someone can pick you up

jiSUNGIEEEEEE: okay its **** ****** *** *** **

minnie mouse: oh we live on the same street! we can walk together to pick up ren and then head there 

ren: sounds like a plan

lele: okay everyone be there by 6

markue: got it

-

And now Jisung was panicking. His mom's boyfriend was at work and his mom was too. So here he sat, alone in a giant (almsot mansion) house in the middle of Seoul with no idea what to wear. it didn't help that no one mentioned what 'their spot' was. Jisung sighed and put on a black and white striped shirt and a black band tee over it. He slipped on some (overly) ripped jeans and black Doc Martens. He shook out his bleached blonde haired, running his fingers through it a few times, deciding he looked presentable. Jaemin wasn't there yet, so he sat on his window seat, looking down at the busy city. 

Seoul was nothing like his hometown. In his hometown, there was only one school that fit all twelve grades, a few shops, and small neighborhoods. Seoul was busy, tons of buildings and people, and just the thought of that gave Jisung anxiety.

It's gotten worse. His anxiety has gotten worse. Ever since he was little, he suffered from severe anxiety, but the loss of his dad made everything 10 times worse. The littlest things would trigger an anxiety attack, hence why he had no friends, Everyone thought he was weird. Maybe if he hid his anxiety, he could actually keep the friends he has now.

-

The loud doorbell rung, echoing throughout the large penthouse. Jisung jumped up from his position, just about to fall asleep and quickly stuffed his phone in his back pocket. He shot up from his window seat, rushing down the stairs and opening the door. Jisung's breath caught in his throat at the sight of Jaemin. His hair was messy and slightly curly. He wore an orange hoodie and jeans. It was simple, but Jaemin made it look like the outfit was from a magazine.

"Hey Sungie," Jaemin smiled and Jisung could've fainted at the use of the nickname that Chenle gave him.

"Oh-uh-hi," Jisung choked out, stuffing his hands in his pockets. He watched as Jaemin's eyes traveled down his body, lingering on his ripped jeans for a little too long before looking back up at Jisung.

"You ready to go?" Jisung nodded, stepping out and locking the door behind him. He didn't bother leaving a text for his mom.

-

"So," Jaemin started as him and Jisung walked along the busy streets in the direction of Renjun's house. "Why'd you move to Seoul?" Jaemin asked, looking over at Jisung and glimmer in his eyes.

"My mom wanted to leave our... past... behind. She-um-got a new boyfriend, so we moved in with him," Jisung quietly explained, his voice being barely audible due to the bunch of cars on the street.

"Do you get along?" Jaemin asked, somehow close enough to Jisung that their shoulders began to brush against each other.

Jisung paused for a moment. "Not really," he simply said and Jaemin took that as a cue to drop the conversation.

"How long have you and Renjun been together?" Jisung questioned, finally making eye contact with Jaemin.

"Since the middle of freshmen year," Jaemin smile unconsciously as if he was remembering something. Of course, they've been together for almost three years. That didn't bother Jisung, though.

Not at all.

-

Jisung waited on the sidewalk as Jaemin when up to Renjun's doorstep to knock. Jisung watched as Renjun exited the house in a white shirt with a jean jacket over it and light wash jeans. He watched as Renjun wrapped his arms around Jaemin's neck and kissed him passionately as if they haven't seen each other in years (even though it had only been a few hours). He watched as Jaemin smile into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Renjun's waist.

All Jisung could do was watch.

Renjun broke away from the kiss first and waved at Jisung as the two made their way towards him. 

"Hey Jisung," Renjun smiled, wrapping his arms around the younger. Jisung froze for a second before hugging him back shyly, quickly pulling away.

They began walking, the couple rambling on about something that happened last week. Jisung just put his headphones in and tuned everything out.

-

They arrived in front of an edgy building, bright fluorescent lights lined the outside of the brick building spelling out the words 'Cloud 9'. Jisung furrowed his brows as he followed the two inside, them immediately spotting the group (and some other guys that Jisung didn't know) in the back corner of the lounge. The building gave off an edgy feel, the walls painted black with bright paintings hung up on the walls. The floors were polished marble and tables, chairs, and couches scattered the place. There was a bar on one side making Jisung wonder why they were even allowed in here. 

"Jisung's here!" he heard Chenle shout, the green haired boy shooting up off of the couch and tackling Jisung into a hug. Jisung giggled, wrapping his arms around Chenle.

"Hi," Jisung laughed. Chenle smiled and pulled away, grabbing Jisung's hand and dragging him over to the group. Chenle sat down and pulled Jisung down with him.

"Everyone, this is Jisung," Chenle introduced to the strangers. "That's Lucas, Winwin, and Ten," Chenle introduced. Jisung shyly smiled.

"He's so cute," Lucas smiled.

"I know right!" Chenle yelled. Jisung was used to them cooing over him by now, so he just shook his head smiling. They sat and talked for a while before Jaemin stood up saying he was going to buy everyone drinks. No one refused free drinks and let Jaemin get up to pay. Renjun went with him to 'help him carry them', but we all knew he was lying. They were probably going to go make out or something.

-

"You don't have to walk me home-" Jisung tried to refuse after they dropped Renjun off.

"Yes, I do. I have to make sure you get home safe," Jaemin replied, pinching Jisung's cheeks.

"Honestly, I'll be fine," Jisung gave Jaemin a small smile, trying not to freak out over how caring Jaemin was.

"You can't refuse. I'm walking you home, now shut up," Jaemin joked, bumping Jisung with his shoulder. The two walked in a comfortable silence.

A sharp gust of wind blew past making Jisung shiver. He mentally cursed himself for not bringing a jacket and tried to warm himself up by rubbing his hands together.

"Are you cold?" Jaemin asked, noticing Jisung's odd behavior.

"Uh-no. I'm fine," Jisung smiled, but the chattering of his teeth gave away his lie.

"Yes, you are. Come here," Jaemin opened his arms. Jisung paused for a moment. Was he really about to hug Jaemin? 

"Are you just gonna leave me hanging?" Jaemin pouted, arms still open. Jisung sighed, a blush covering his cheeks as he moved into Jaemin's arms. They stood hugging, Jaemin's warmth immediately heating up Jisung's body.

Jisung rested his head on Jaemin's shoulder, trying his best not to freak out. "Are you warm now?" Jaemin whispered into Jisung's ear. Jisung shivered but blamed it on the cold as he shook his head no.

He just wanted to hug Jaemin for a little longer.

-

"Oh my god, Jisung? There you are," Jisung's mom shot up out of her seat on the couch once Jisung entered the house. Jisung didn't smile or apologize because he knew she didn't actually care. "Where were you?"

Jisung ignored her as he began to walk up the stairs towards his room. "Jisung, your mother asked you a question," Minyoung, his mom's boyfriend's voice boomed.

Jisung continued to ignore the two until he felt a tight hand wrap around his forearm. Minyoung's fingernails dug into Jisung's arm and Jisung held back a wince.

"You will not ignore me in my house. Show some respect, fag," Minyoung spoke. Jisung shrugged his arm away from Minyoung and tried to walk away, but Minyoung was bigger and stronger.

He turned Jisung around and slapped him. Hard. Jisung held his hand up to his cheek, shocked. He couldn't hold back his anger anymore as he pushed Minyoung back. Minyong fumed with anger as he threw a punch at Jisung, the younger stepping back, but Minyoung wasn't done. He began throwing punches, bruising Jisung's body until the younger couldn't hold back his tears anymore.

"I hope that will teach you some respect," Minyoung spit as he kicked Jisung in the ribcage. Jisung's nose was bleeding and his lip was busted. He could barely move his limbs. Sadly, this wasn't the first time this has happened. He just covered his bruises with long sleeves.

His mother looked at Jisung, something in her eyes that Jisung couldn't quite place.

"Mom..." Jisung started, but she just shook her head and walked away.

So Jisung just lay there on the floor, finally letting all his tears out.


	3. three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> maybe.
> 
> no one liked the word maybe.

Jisung's walk to school was pure torture.

His limbs ached and his chest hurt, but he couldn't do anything about it. He tried to mask the pain by drowning it out with music, closing his eyes, listening to the sweet sounds. He didn't even notice when someone shouted his name from behind him on the sidewalk. He took out a headphone and turned around to seat Jaemin running up to him, backpack hanging off one of his shoulders. His hair was messy and his tie was a little crooked, but Jisung thought that it was cute.

"Hey Jisung," Jaemin greeted, trying to catch his breath. Jisung smiled at him whispering a small 'hey', suddenly nervous around him again.

"How are you?" Jaemin asked, resting his hand on Jisung's shoulder. Jisung mentally slapped himself for wincing and pulling away from Jaemin's touch. Jaemin didn't even notice Jisung's bruised cheek and lip until he looked up at the younger's face.

"Oh my god, are you okay? What happened?" Jaemin asked, his eyes going wide. Jisung couldn't tell him. They'd just met and he didn't want to scare him off yet.

Oh-I-uh-fell down the stairs last night," he faked a laugh. "Silly me,"

Jaemin gave him a look that said 'I know you're lying, but you look like you don't want to talk about it so I'm going to drop it, but just know that this conversation isn't over'.

"Honestly, I'm okay. I can... I can handle it," Jisung gave Jaemin a sad smile.

"Jisung-ah, I know we're not that close yet, but please come to me if you need help, ever. Please," Jaemin spoke, no joking tone in his voice like there usually is. Jisung only gave Jaemin a reassuring nod, stuffing his hands into his pocket as they walked together.

"Where's Renjun?" Jisung mumbled, looking over at Jaemin who seemed to be deep in thought.

"Oh, he's sick," Jaemin frowned. Jisung nodded and they fell back into another awkward silence. "So... Do you have any hobbies?"

Jisung shrugged a bit. "I danced back in my hometown, but I haven't really had time to practice lately,"

Jaemin smiled at the way Jisung's eyes lit up at the mention of dance and them dimmed back down to a dull brown. "You should show me something sometime," Jaemin suggested, wiggling his eyebrows. Jisung giggled, lightly pushing Jaemin.

"I don't know if that was supposed to sound pervy or not, but maybe sometime," Jisung answered. Jisung and Jaemin were so lost in their own comfortable silence, that they didn't notice them already in front of the school. Jaemin said bye to Jisung, going off to talk to some seniors leaving Jisung alone.

"JISUNG-AHHHHH!!" Jisung saw Chenle and bolted towards him. Jisung's eyes widened.

"Chenle, no-" Jisung couldn't finish his sentence before Chene held him in a bone crushing hug. Tears blurred his vision as his whole body stung. He involuntarily let out a sob and Chenle immediately pulled away.

"Jisung-ah, I'm sorry! Did I hurt you? I'm such a bad friend," Chenle stepped back, cradling Jisung's face in his hands.

"It's okay. It's not your fault," Jisung gave Chenle a weak smile. Chenle shook his head, holding Jisung's hands in his own.

"I hurt you. How can I make it up to you?" Chenle asked, pouting. Jisung pretended to think.

"Icecream?" Jisung asked. Chenle quickly nodded his head.

"We'll go after school. I'm sorry again," Chenle apologized. Jisung just reassured him that it was okay and helped him to his locker.

-

For some reason, Jaemin seemed to be very... protective. of Jisung today. He always found him in the halls and walked with him, leaving no gap in between the two. He led Jisung towards the cafeteria, a palm on his lower back and Jisung was beyond weirded out. 

"Hey, Sungie, Do you feel alright?" Jaemin asked once they walked out of the school building together.

"Yeah. I'm fine..." Jisung gave Jaemin a side eye and stuffed his hands in his pockets, the air being a little chilly. Jaemin nodded. Jisung noticed everyone by Mark car and the two headed over there.

"Okay, how are all six of us going to fit into this car?" Donghyuck asked.

"I'll ride in the trunk!" Chenle offered.

"-Chenle, what? No," Jeno quickly shut the green haired boy down making the younger frown.

"Okay, how about Jisung, you sit in Jaemin's lap," Chenle spoke. Jisung's eyes widened.

"Why can't you? You're like, as big as a chicken nugget," Jisung argued making Chenle gasp.

"I am not! And you're the baby of the group now," Chenle stuck his tongue at out Jisung. Jisung gave Jaemin a look asking him if he was okay with it and Jaemin gave him a small nod and a smile back.

"Okay, it's settled. Now get your asses in the car. We're going to go see daddy Kun!" Mark shouted, hoping in the driver's seat. Everyone cheered while Jisung stood confused.

"Daddy Ku-? Whatever," Jisung mumbled, climbing in after Jaemin, the two, plus Chenle and Jeno sitting in the back.

Jisung sat in Jaemin's lap, a blush covering his cheeks as Jaemin wrapped his arms around his torso gently as to not hurt the blonde haired boy and snuggled into his back.

-

They arrived in front of a cute little ice cream shop on the outskirts of the city, the sun already beginning to set even though it was only just about 5 p.m.

They climbed out and rushing into the ice cream shop, Jisung trailing behind, hands gripping the bottom of his shirt like he usually does.

"Kun!" Chenle nearly screeched as he ran up to the counter to greet an older looking guy. Jisung smiled a bit at the lime (more like lettuce) green haired boy tried to hug so-called 'Kun' from across the counter.

"Ah! Jisung," Chenle turned around and ran to Jisung, making sure to lightly grip his wrist, and dragged him over to Kun.

"Kun, Jisung. Jisung, Kun. Okay, long story short, I hurt Jisung, so I'm buying him ice cream," Chenle quickly introduced, already losing interest in the conversation and eyes traveling to the many flavors.

"You're going to buy me ice cream too?" Donghyuck smiled, fluttering his eyelashes, trying to persuade the younger.

"No, everyone else has to pay for themselves," Chenle deadpanned, turning back around making Donghyuck whine in protest.

-

Mark had dropped Jaemin and Jisung off at the end of their street saying 'If I keep going down this street, instead of me turning, I can save 3 minutes worth of gas'. It's not like it mattered anyway. He knew that Mark could buy the whole gas company if he really wanted to.

So Jisung and Jaemin walked towards their houses together. Jisung's house was further down the street than Jaemin's.

"You don't have to-"

"Okay, we're not doing this again. Just always assume that I'm going to walk you home," Jaemin smiled.

"But, don't you have to check up on Renjun?" 

"I will after I walk you home,"

Jisung knew that Jaemin wasn't going to let up so he just nodded and continued walking quickly, Jaemin running a bit to catch up.

"Jisung-ah," Jaemin spoke as they stood on the doorstep of the house. Jisung hummed signaling he was listening.

"I don't know if you're ready or not, but do you think you could eventually tell me what actually happened?" Jaemin asked. Something glimmered in his eye that Jisung couldn't quite place and sighed, looking down at his shoes.

"I don't know. Maybe sometime," Jisung whispered, turning around and walking into the house without a goodbye. Jaemin just watched as Jisung turned around and closed the door, but not before giving him a not-so-convincing 'I'm okay' smile.

And he knew that 'maybe sometime' meant 'maybe never'.

Jaemin's phone buzzed in his pocket.

From: Sungie <3

tell renjun i said hi and i hope he feels better soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a bit shorter but i dont want to rush things yet so might double update idk well see hope youre enjoying the book ok im just ranting now BUT THANKS FOR READING I LOVE U


	4. four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wrote this in class so sorry if this isnt the best BUT DRAMA YAY

"I can't wait for the party tonight," Chenle spoke suddenly as the two hung out at Chenle's blace due to the older asking (read:begging) him to come over. Jisung's brows furrowed.

"Party?" he asked, confused.

"I throw a party almost every month silly!" Chenle spoke matter-of-factly. "And you're coming,"

"I don't-"

"Yes you do," 

"No-"

"Yes,"

"But-"

"No excuses. You're going. And maybe you can meet a hot guy," Chenle smirked making Jisung's eyes widen.

"Uh, I rather no-"

"You rather yes,"

"That's not even a proper sentenc- Okay. But I have nothing to wear," Jisung pouted.

"I can pull a few strings. Now, let's go make you look sexy!" Chenle ran off towards his giant walk in closet.

"I'm still a minor!" Jisung shouted, running after him.

-

Jisung didn't know why he let Chenle convince him to come. It was past 11 o'clock and the party was just reaching it's peak. There had to be at least a hundred people in this giant house, most of them Jisung hadn't seen in his life. Jeno didn't want to come saying 'I rather not pass out in the middle of the dance floor again'. Whatever that meant.

Mark and Donghyuck disappeared upstairs two hours ago (god knows what they were doing). Chenle was somewhere talking to some college students (and Jisung wondered how the hell he knew college students). And Jaemin and Renjun were off somewhere in the backyard.

That left Jisung by himself. Every since Renjun came back to school, Jaemin hadn't glanced at Jisung once (other than the daily 'hello' on their walk to school (which Renjun tagged along on)). But that didn't hurt Jisung's feelings.

Not at all.

He was beginning to overheat from all the boddies, despte being in an overly revealing sheer top and black skinny jeans that made his legs look even slimmer. Chenle had said he looked 'hella hot' and Jisung didn't have the energy to argue.

Jisung leaned against the kitchen island, sipping some punch (that was probably spiked), but Jisung didn't really care. He was drifted off into his own mind, thinking about whatever until a taller, broader guy stood next to Jisung.

"Hey, what is a cutie like you doing here all alone?" the guy asked, clearly checking Jisung out making the younger uncomfortable.

"Oh, I'm not alone. I came here with my friends..." Jisung trailed off.

"And where are they sweetheart?" the guy stepped closer making Jisung press his back further into the counter.

"Off somewhere. Look, I'm not interested so can you please back off?" Jisung rolled his eyes, annoyed. 

"Hm, feisty. I like it," the guy chuckled, placing a hand on Jisung's hip making the blonde push him back.

"Can you fuck off?" Jisung spoke, trying to walk. The guy huffed, grabbing Jisung with both hands pulling him towards him.

"Don't fight it. I know you want me too," the guy whispered into Jisung's ear making Jisung frown in disgust.

"Get off of me," Jisung tried to speak demanding, but it just came out as a small whimper.

"You're adorable," the guy mumbled kissing down Jisung's neck.

"Please get off," Jisung tried to fight back, but he was too weak and his eyes began blurring up with tears. Jisung closed his eyes, but suddenly the guy was pushed off of him. Jisung kpet his eyes closed as he cried, thinking about what could have happened.

"He said to get the fuck off of him," a voice said (almost growled). Jisung' eyes snapped open, and there stood Jaemin, his fists balled at his sides, his eyes glaring and he stood in front of Jisung.

"And what are you going to do, pretty boy?" the guy fired back. People were beginning to form a crowd, but Jaemin didn't care. He threw a punch right to the side of the guy's head, before pushing him onto the ground and punching him. He couldn't stop. He just kept throwing punches to the guy's face until he was knocked out cold and bleeding out.

Jisung body trembled. He didn't think Jaemin could get like that. And it was all his fault. It was his fault for being weak and now Jaemin was mad.

Suddenly, Mark appeared, pulling Jaemin off of the guy. "Scatter," Mark snapped at the crowd, everyone immediately running off.

Jaemin's seemed to visibly calm down as Renjun rushed in a little after Mark came in. "Oh no, what happened?" Renjun asked, rushing over to Jaemin.

"I don't know, but Jaemin lost his shit again and beat the hell out of this guy," Mark explained. Nobody seemed to notice Jisung in the corner, tear tracks on his face.

They didn't care.

He was just a burden.

And Jisung didn't miss the way Mark said again.

Jaemin looked at Renjun, their eyes making contact as Jaemin dropped his shoulders. "Where's Jisung?" his eyes scanned the room until they felt on Jisung's small frame. He walked over to Jisung, holding his face in his hands, inspecting him.

"Are you hurt?" Jaemin asked, the other's just watching. Jisung shook his head.

"I'm okay," he looked past Jaemin to see an expression on Renjun's face. His eyes were dulled and he looked upset. "I'm just gonna go home. Thanks by the way," Jisung smiled a weak smile, but Jaemin pulled him into a hug by his waist anyways. Jisung froze. He didn't know what to do and everyone was watching the two. 

"I'm okay, Jaemin," Jisung whispered. Jaemin pulled back hesitantly.

"Can I walk you home at least?"

Jisung's eyes searched the crowd for Renjun, but he saw no one. "I'm fine. I'll call an uber,"

"Text me when you get home," Jaemin demanded and Jisung meekly nodded, walking away.

-

Let's just say that the next day at school was... awkward. Renjun didn't speak to Jisung. He ignored him and when he would see him in the halls, Renjun would avoid eye contact. There was tension in he group and Jisung knew it was his fault. They sat at lunch, no one talking while Jeno looked at them all, completely lost.

"Okay, someone tell me what the hell happened," Jeno spoke up. Jisung tensed and looked down at his food. Surprisingly, Jaemin spoke first.

"A guy was messing with Jisung so I punched him,"

Mark scoffed. "Yeah, and sent him to the hospital,"

"Wait, a guy wa smessing with Sungie? Why did no one tell me?" Chenle snapped his head up.

"Guys, it's not a bi deal-"

"Yes it is. We're supposed to protect you," Jaemin almost shouted. "Stop denying your feelings Jisung. If you're not okay, or if you're in danger, you need to tell us! You can't always keep it to yourself," Jaemin snapped.

"Jaemin, calm down," Renjun put his hand on Jaemin's shoulder and Jaemin took a deep breath. Jisung felt as if was going to cry any moment, so he silently excused himself, walking outside to get fresh air.

He finally let his tears spill over as he brought his knees up to his chest, resting against the tree in the courtyard.

-

Jisung lay in his bed. Minyoung was still at work and his mom was away at a business trip. He felt alone again. He was about to fall asleep before he got a text.

From: Jaeminnie

im sorry

From: Jaeminnie

can we talk?

From: Jaeminnie

i can see you're reading the texts

From: Jaeminnie

im coming over

Jisung sighed, dropping his phone back onto his bed, closing his eyes.

-

A knock sounded at the door and Jisung knew who it was. There was no point in ignoring him, so he just forced his heavy limbs out of bed and opened the door.

"Jaemin-" Jisung didn't get to finish before the older tackled him into a hug. Jisung almost literally melted into the hug, the younger burying his face in Jaemin's shoulder. They just hugged for a while until Jisung pulled back and led him to sit on the couch.

"I'm sorry for keeping things to myself," Jisung whispered.

"Don't be sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you when you did nothing wrong," Jaemin replied. Jisung rested his head on Jaemin's shoulder.

"Thank you,"

"For what?"

"For just, being there for me. I never really had friends and ever since my dad..." Jisung stopped talking and Jaemin understood that it was hard for Jisung to open up like this so he just grabbed the younger's hand, interlacing their fingers together.

"I'll always be there for you," Jaemin smiled, looking down at Jisung. Jisung looked up into Jaemin's eyes and realized how beautiful they were. Gold flecks swan in his pools of brown and Jisung couldn't bring himself to look away. He didn't even notice when he started leaning in towards Jaemin, his eyes opening and closing. Jaemin didn't seem to be moving away from him.

Jisung knew this was wrong, but it just felt so right.

He felt Jaemin's slow breath on his lips as they lightly ghosted over each other's until they finally connected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls dont hate jisung


	5. five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> okay but minor jisung and jeno? yes please

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its my bday tomorrow!! AND SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT FOR AN UPDATE!

The kiss was nothing like Jisung felt before. His whole body was warm, despite the coldness of the large house. The kiss was delicate, Jaemin's lips barely pressing onto his, but it was all Jisung needed. His lips tingled and Jaemin tasted like sherbert ice cream (it was now Jisung's favorite).

Jaemin cautiously moved his hand to rest on Jisung's cheek, pulling the younger closer and Jisung's hand rested on his chest, feeling his heartbeat under his palm. Jaemin tilted his head a bit to deepen the kiss, guiding Jisung through it. Jaemin's eyelashes tickled Jisung's cheek, and the blonde smiled into the kiss. The two slowly pulled away, their breathing synchronized and Jaemin kept his hand on Jisung's cheek as he stared into his eyes. Jisung couldn't move as his whole body buzzed.

"Please don't tell me you regretted that," Jisung whispered, biting his lip nervously.

"I don't regret that at all," Jaemin whispered back and the sad thing was that Renjun wasn't even on his mind.

-

Jisung was now seated in Jaemin's lap, head rested in the crook of the pink haired boy's neck. Jaemin smelt really good. Like _really_ good. Like a mixture of fresh rain, mangos, and something else he could only describe as _Jaemin_. Jaemin's hands were rubbing Jisung's back, his thumbs pressing into the younger's skin every now and then as they talked about nothing.

"Jaemin, what are we gonna do?" Jisung blurted out of nowhere, lifting his head to look at the older.

"What do you mean?"

"What are we gonna do about this? About _us_?"

Jaemin sighed, his hand stopping its movements as he closed his eyes for a second. "I don't know, Jisung. I don't know,"

-

Jisung should have known. For the next two and a half weeks, Jaemin acted as if nothing had happened. He still held Renjun's hand, he still put his hands on his waist, he still _kissed_ him. And all Jisung could do was watch. 

-

"Hey, Jisung-ah!" Jisung heard someone shout his name right as he was about to enter the school building. Jeno jogged towards Jisung, stopping in front of him with a smile on his face.

"Oh, hey hyung. What's up?" Jisung asked.

"So, a few days ago, Jaemin told me that you used to dance?" Jeno clarified ad Jisung tried to push the feeling in his chest away when he heard the name of a certain someone.

"Uh, yeah. I don't really dance anymo-"

"Well, I'm on the dance team and we're having practice later. I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?" Jeno smiled cutely trying to persuade the younger.

"Oh, I don't kno-"

"Please? Ten teaches the class. I know you only met him like once but I promise you'll love him. I can even teach you the dance we're learning before we go," Jeno begged, jutting out his bottom lip.

"Um..." Jisung took one look at Jeno's puppy dog eyes and dropped his shoulder with a sigh. "Okay, fine. But only if you teach me the dance so I don't look like an idiot,"

"Yay! I'll pick you up and we can get to the studio early to practice," Jeno said. Jisung nodded, still a bit skeptical.

-

Jisung followed Jeno into a large studio room that was located inside a large building. The room had one wall made entirely of glass showing a beautiful view of the city. The other wall was a giant polished mirror. The room looked brand new.

Jeno dropped his bag by one of the walls and Jisung did the same. They quickly stretched before Jeno got up to turn on the music to the dance.

"Okay, I'll run through it and then we'll go step-by-step, okay?" Jeno informed Jisung. The blonde nodded, taking a step back. Jeno began the routine and Jisung's jaw dropped. Jeno's body moved with the beat perfectly, not messing up once. He looked almost... majestic?

"Alright, did you get that?" Jeno spoke after the song slowly died out, breathing a bit heavily. There was a thin layer of sweat covering him and his skin glowed, his hair messily stuffed under a cap. Jisung didn't notice until now, but Jeno was really good looking. 

"No," Jisung answered truthfully making Jeno laugh a bit.

"Copy after me," Jeno did a series of moves with an eight count and Jisung copied, getting a little stuck in the middle.

"No, not like that," Jeno chuckled, coming up behind Jisung. The blonde's breath caught in his throat as Jeno ran his hand down Jisung's arm until they reached his wrists, positioning them correctly. "Like this," Jeno whispered before stepping away leaving a flustered Jisung frozen.

This was going to be a long afternoon.

-

"I can't believe you persuaded Jisung to join the dance team," Chenle chuckled, stuffing a grape in his mouth. Everyone was sat at the lunch table and Jisung had to resist staring at Jaemin who still acted as if they didn't just kiss a few weeks ago.

"He's honestly really good. Even though we had to have a private lesson," Jeno wiggled his eyebrows, throwing his arm over Jisung's shoulder. Jaemin nearly spit out his water at those words.

"It wasn't like that!" Jisung clarified, playfully shoving Jeno. Jeno just laughed stealing a kiss on Jisung's cheek.

"Hyung, stop," Jisung whined. He didn't even notice when Jaemin excused himself from the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT A JENO/JISUNG FIC BUT I HAVE THE WHOLE STORY PLANNED OUT SO JUST WAIT THERE'S MORE DRAMA COMING OUT


	6. six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mini chapter but rlly important to the story line :)

Jisung opened his locker, still exhausted from practice last night. He grabbed his textbooks out before shutting it, having a deja vu. Jaemin was leaning against the locker next to his, Jisung almost dropping his books.

"Hey," Jaemin started, hands in his pocket.

"Uh, hi?" Jisung answered back, adjusting his backpack strap.

"So, you and Jeno, huh?" Jaemin spoke, cocking his head.

"What?"

"Aren't you guys together?"

"What? No! Why would you think that?"

"Good," Jaemin spoke lowly before grabbing Jisung's wrist and pulling him down the hall.

"Jaemin, what are you doing?" Jisung asked as Jaemin pulled him into an empty classroom. It smelt strongly of paint, but the lights were off so Jisung assumed it was the art room.

"I... I don't know how to say this," Jaemin mumbled into the dark. Jisung couldn't see anything, but he felt Jaemin in front of him.

"Say what?"

"Jisung-ah, I can't stop thinking about you," Jaemin rushed out.

"You what?" Jisung replied, shocked.

"Every time I kiss Renjun, I can only see you. Your eyes, your smile, your... everything. I don't know what to do," Jaemin admitted. Jisung was silent as he took in the information. He didn't even notice when he felt Jaemin's lips press against his. Jisung couldn't help but let his eyes flutter shut. The kiss was more desperate than their first and Jaemin licked Jisung's bottom lip making Jisung gasp. The pink haired boy slipped his tongue inside and Jisung's mind went blank. The kiss was messy and needy as if this was something they have both been waiting for. They kissed until they needed to break apart for air, both panting as they broke apart.

"Please tell me you feel the same," Jaemin spoke desperately, his hands searching in the dark before they finally found Jisung's waist.

"Jaemin... This is wrong," Jisung sighed, removing Jaemin's hands from his waist. 

Jaemin didn't reply as he shuffled a bit. "I know you felt something, Jisung,"

"I did,"

"Then why-?"

"You have Renjun. You guys have been together before you even knew I existed and I consider Renjun a friend. I don't want him to get hurt and have it be because of me. We can't continue this," Jisung pushed Jaemin back a bit so he could slip away.

"Jisung..." Jaemin whispered. Jisung paused waiting to hear what Jaemin had to say, but when Jisung heard nothing, he shook his head, walking out of the room leaving Jaemin in the darkness.


	7. seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah finally an update?? 
> 
> i had rlly bad writers block BUT NOW MY JUICES ARE FLOWing
> 
> (sorry the format kinda changed halfway through? hope it doesn't bother anyone <3)

Jisung sat in the kitchen, shoving his food around his plate as his mother and Minyoung chatted.

"Jisung, you aren't hungry, sweetie?" Jisung nearly gagged at the nickname, something she only called him before they moved to Seoul.

"No," Jisung stated bluntly, dropping his fork. "Can I be excused?"

"No, you may not. Your mother cooked you dinner, you will eat it. Ungrateful bitch," Minyoung ordered harshly. 

"Asshole," Jisung muttered.

"What was that?" Minyoung began to stand up.

"I said you're a fucking asshole. You treat me like shit when I've never done anything to you! And I don't know how you," Jisung turned twoards his mother. "can just sit here and watch all this shit happen. Trying to replace dad with a rich fuck who has no morals," Tears now clouded Jisung's eyes.

"Jisung-," his mother tried to start, but Jisung wasn't having it.

"No, I don't want to hear you lame excuse about how we should move on! Dad was the only one of gave a fuck about me. You're just as bad as Min-fucking-young," Jisung stood harshly from his chair, storming towards the door. He didn't even think to grab a jacket as he ran out into the rain, tears clouding his eyes. He ran until his legs burned, his clothes soaked and teeth chattering. He clasped against a building, now letting out harsh sobs as his body shook. He had no where to go, no where to run.

He pulled out his phone, calling the first number he saw. It ran a few times before the person picked up.

"Jisung-ah?"

"Can-Can you pick me up?" he choked out.

"Where are you? Are you okay?" the person asked, a bit rushed.

"I-I don't know," and that made Jisung cry harder as he realized how lost he was.

"Okay, stay where you are. I'll find you," Jaemin reassured before hanging up. Jisung leaned his head against the wall behind him, wishing the world would just swallow him whole.

-

Jisung was awoken by the sound of a person running towards him. "Oh my god,"

Jisung slowly opened his eyes, his limbs numb from the cold and drenched in rain. Jaemin crouched in front of Jisung, holding his face in his hands. "Sung-ah, what happened...?" Jaemin asked out into the air, not really expecting an answer. He shrugged off his jacket, wrapping Jisung in it as he managed to pick him up bridal style. Jisung's weak arms wrapped around Jaemin's neck as he snuggled into his chest.He fought to stay awake and Jisung looked down at him in concern.

"Go to sleep, Jisung. I've got you," Jaemin whispered, pressing a light kiss to his temple as sleep slowly washed over him.

-

"Bro, shut up, you're gonna wake him up," a hushed whispered tuned into Jisung's ears. He felt like he was in heaven. The clothes on him were soft against his fragile skin and he seemed way too warm, but not in a bad way.

"But I brought him candy," the other voice whispered back.

"Can't you wait until he wakes up?" Someone huffed muttering a 'fine' before he felt fingers card through his hair. He hesitantly opened his eyes to see Jaemin's... legs? He just now realized that his head was in Jaemin's lap as Jaemin delicately stroked his bleached hair. He slowly sat up, shocking Jaemin and whoever else was in that room. He rubbed his eyes as he blinked a few times trying to gain focus. Chenle was sat on the foot of his bed while Jeno and Renjuun also stood around the bed. Mark and Donghyuck were no where to be seen.

"Hey, did we wake you?" Jaemin asked softly. Jisung shook his head no, suddenly feeling small from all the eyes on him. He looked down noticing that he was in someone's sweats and a hoodie. Must be Jaemin's.

 

Renjun rushed over to the side of the bed where Jisung was. "Hey, are you okay?" Jisung shrugged in response, looking down at his lap. He was surprised when Renjun pulled him into a hug and Jisung couldn't shake the guilty feeling from his stomach.

 

-

 

Jisung pulled his knees up to his chest, exhausted from all the affection his friends were giving him throughtout the day. He still refused to tell anyone why he left, no one knowing about his situation at home. Was it evven right to call that place home?

 

He leaned his head back against the couch, sighing deeply as Jaemin came into the rug holding two mugs. Jisung lifted his head back up to watch as Jaemin placed one of the mugs on the coffee table, handing the other to Jisung. The liquid smelt earthy and Jisung stared at it.

 

"It's Jasmine tea. Renjun said it helps with everything," Jaemin answered for him. Jisung nodded taking an experimental sip, humming as the hot drink soothed his throat.

 

"Where are your parents?" Jisung questioned, holding the Ryan themed mug in two hands.

 

"Brazil," Jaemin shrugged. Jisung nodded slowly. They sat in quiet for a moment.

 

"Are you-are you staying the night?" Jaemin said, staring at Jisung.

 

"Can I?"

 

"Of course you can,"

 

-

 

"Is this weird?" Jaemin whispered as they both lied on his bed, a few inches between eachother. He must've noticed Jisung was uncomfortable by his constant rustling.

 

"No,"

 

"Okay,"

 

Silence.

 

"Jisung,"

 

"Yeah?"

 

"Will you tell me what happened?"

 

Silence.

 

"Maybe later,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short bb but I just wanna let upload this before shit hits the fan hehehehehe


	8. eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WOAH WHAT IS THIS another update?? i love this chapter sm and i hope you enjoy it :))

Jisung didn't think it'd bother him having Renjun and Jaemin cuddling on his bed as they whispered and giggled to each other. He didn't think it'd bother him when they caressed the other or kissed with so much passion. And he definitely didn't think it'd bother him when they squished his cheeks and cooed over him.

But _holy fuck_ , it did.

Because he wanted to be the one that Jaemin whispered and giggled to. He wanted to caress Jaemin's perfectly sculpted face and he wanted Jaemin to caress him. And he _definitely_ wanted to passionately kiss Jaemin without feeling guilty soon afterwards.

And honestly, he couldn't take it anymore.

-

"Jisung-ah?" Jaemin mumbled, rubbing his eyes from being awoken by rustling. It was only 4:00 p.m, but Jaemin had accidentally fallen asleep during a movie the two were watching after Renjun left. Jisung looked up from where he was, putting Jaemin's clothes back in his drawer. Jaemin sat up, squinting a bit due to him not having his contacts in.

"What are you doing?" Jaemin spoke, cocking his head. Jisung couldn't fight how _adorable_ he looked with his messy hair and pouty lips.

"I-uh-I was leaving," And those words seemed to have snapped the older out of his daze.

"Why? Did I do something?"

"No! No, not at all. I just-uh-I didn't want to be a burden," Jisung smiled sadly, hating whatever that feeling was in his stomach.

"You're not a burden, Sungie. You'll never be a burden to me," And Jisung almost panicked at the way his heart flipped. He wasn't sure, but, maybe, just maybe, his feelings for Na Jaemin were growing stronger. "C'mere," he spoke sleepily, opening his arms. Jisung just stared at him. He was doing something to the younger. They way his washed out pink hair flopped messily onto his forehead, or the way, his tongue cutely poked out from between his lips. They way his eyes were shut and his impossibly long eyelashes tickled his cheekbones. He didn't know what it was, but it was _something_ about Na Jaemin that made Jisung lose train of thought.

He hadn't even noticed that he was now in Jaemin's arms, the older's limbs wrapped around his waist as he pulled him close. His soft and steady breathing calming Jisung's racing heart. Their faces were less than three inches apart and Jisung could see every freckle and curve of his facial structure. The perfect curve of his nose and cupid's bow resting on his perfect kissable lips. _Jisung so wanted to kiss him right now._

So that's what he did.

He placed his hand on jaemin's cheek making him open his eyes slowly, confused at the sudden affection. And the gasp that slipped through his pink lips when Jisung's soft ones touch his slightly chapped ones. Jisung slowly moved his lips, Jaemin soon copying his actions as they moved in sync. Jisung's lips tingled, his whole body growing warm. He pulled Jaemin closer by the back of his neck, the two now pressed tightly together, Jisung's body molding perfectly with Jaemin's. They pulled away for a breath, the two staring intently at each other.

"The things you do to me, Park Jisung,"


	9. nine

"Mark,"

"What Nana?"

"I think I've fallen out of love with Renjun,"


	10. ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been a while since an update im so sorry ;(
> 
> i kinda lost inspiration, but i got it back so yay :)
> 
> hint: jeno is the only innocent person in this book
> 
> hope you enjoy as always

"Jaemin, are you sure? I mean, you've practically known Renjun all your life," Mark spoke, a little taken back by the younger's confession. Jaemin sighed, running his fingers through his hair, his cup of coffee becoming almost too hot to hold.

"I honestly don't know anymore," Jaemin answered truthfully. "I love Renjun, yeah, but I just don't feel that spark anymore. But with Jisung, it's not even a spark. It's like a forest fire,"

Mark laughed a bit at Jaemin's metaphor. "Well, your on your own with this, buddy," he concluded before standing up to leave the cafe.

"Thanks for being a loyal and supportive friend," Jaemin called sarcastically.

"Anytime," Mark winked leaving Jaemin to sulk by himself.

-

"Hey, you seemed kinda off today," Jeno walked up to Jisung after dance practice was over. Jisung just nodded a bit, wiping his face with a towel.

"I just got a lot on my mind right now," he smiled a bit to Jeno in hopes to relieve the frown on his face. Jeno placed a hand on Jisung's lower back making the younger look up at him with big eyes.

"You know you can talk to me, right?" Jeno cocked his head cutely and Jisung could only nod. Jeno smiled, lacing his fingers with Jisung's. "Can I walk with you?"

"Oh-uh-yeah," Jisung replied, a bit flustered at the contact. The two left the building, hand in hand, attempting at small talk.

"Are you still staying with Jaemin?" Jeno asked.

"Yeah," Jisung answered, looking down at his feet. Jeno held on to his hand a bit tighter once he saw the tenseness of the younger. he decided to drop the topic, moving on to rant about what he did today and Jisung couldn't have been more thankful.

They walked up to Jaemin's doorstep, Jisung hesitating to knock. He turned to Jeno, before looking down at their hands.

"I-uh..." Jisung started, Jeno waiting for him to finish. "Thank you, Jeno," was all he said. Jeno smiled his beautiful eye smile, before moving a little closer to Jisung. He moved his hands onto the small of Jisung's back until their bodies were flush against each other. Jisung didn't dare move, and to be honest, he didn't want to.

He didn't know what he felt about Jaemin at the moment, but at least Jeno was an amazing distraction.

"Can I kiss you?" Jeno whispered, his breath on Jisung's lips. Jisung nodded, his eyelids fluttering shut as Jeno slowly moved in only to be interrupted by the sound of somewhere clearing their throat.

Jeno and Jisung jumped away, turning towards a few angry Jaemin. His arms were crossed over his chest as he nearly glared daggers at Jeno. Jeno smiled, obviously not noticing the tension.

"Oh, hey Jaemin. I was just dropping Jisung off," Jeno turned back to a frozen Jisung. "I'll see you later?"

Jisung nodded a bit before Jeno walked down the steps, waving at the two before disappearing down the streets. Jisung looked down at his feet as Jaemin stared a him, neither of them saying a word.

"You said you weren't with him," Jaemin spoke, his voice sounding a bit strained. Jisung looked up at Jaemin only to see that he now hand his hands tucked into his pockets, still staring at the younger with the same hurt expression.

"I'm not," Jisung defended. Jaemin shook his head, walking past Jisung to unlock the door. "C'mon, Jaemin. Don't be like this," Jisung sighed, following Jaemin up the stairs to his room.

Jaemin stripped off his jacket, tossing it towards his desk chair before turning around to face Jisung. 

It seemed all too quick because soon Jisung was pressed up against Jaemin's shut bedroom door, their faces less than an inch apart. Jaemin stared into Jisung's eyes with such intensity and Jisung felt his legs go weak, gripping the front of Jaemin's shirt for balance.

"Fuck, you're beautiful," Jaemin whispered, his eyes flickering to Jisung's lips, the younger barely catching it. Jisung's heart pounded in his chest as Jaemin's hands slowly moved down to his waist, making sure that Jisng felt every touch and tickle as his fingers trailed down his sides.

"Stop teasing and just kiss me," Jisung huffed. Jaemin smiled a bit before lightly pressing his lips against Jisung's, barely touching, but just enough to paralyze Jisung's mind. Jaemin slowly moved his lips, his chest flush against the younger and Jisung could feel his heart beating too. Jaemin pulled away from the blonde before their kiss could go any further. Jisung couldn't see to look away from Jaemin's eyes, the older's twinkling with admiration.

And of course, Jaemin just had to ruin this soft moment with the words that seemed to tumble out of his lips, overlapping each other. "So-uh-be honest. Have you ever like... done things with Jeno?"

Jisung sighed, pushing Jaemin back a bit so he can escape his arms, moving to take of his sweater, the room suddenly being boiling hot even though it was the end of autumn.

"No, I haven't kissed him, if that's what you're asking," Jisung took off his vans, placing them neatly next to each other. He looked down at the clothes that he was wearing; Jaemin's joggers and t-shirt. And the sight sparked a realization.

"Jaemin, what are we gonna do after this?" he leaned back onto his hands to look up at Jaemin who seemed to be watching his every move.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I can't stay here forever. You're parents will be back eventually and I can't keep using your things. But I just can't go back there, Jaemin and... I don't know what I'm gonna do," Jisung's voice got quieter with each word as he looked down at his lap. He felt the bed dip next to him before Jaemin pulled him into his side, wrapping his long limbs around the younger.

"My parents won't be back for another 3 weeks and honestly, I can go buy you clothes if that's really what you want," Jaemin offered, his fingers dragging up and down Jisung's back. "We'll figure this out, okay?"

And all Jisung could do was nod because to be honest, he didn't believe the last words that came out of Jaemin's mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ugh i feel s o bad for renjun, but i have a plan hehehehehehrheh
> 
> ty for waiting for this update!


	11. eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please dont hate me for having to wait this long for an update 
> 
>  
> 
> **it gets juicy starting from here on, so buckle up**
> 
>  
> 
> shoutout to my sister for forcing me to update haha

"Hey, Jisung," Chenle spoke as he ran up to where the younger stood by his locker.

"Hey," Jisung smiled, noticing that the boy dyed his hair a light purple.

"Have you seen Renjun? I haven't heard from him since this weekend,"

"No, I haven't," Jisung furroweed his brows. "Have you tried calling him?"

"Like a million times,"

"Well, I don't-," Jisung's eyes caught a glimpse of said person, walking towards his locker. His tie was loose and his hair was a mess. He kept his head down as he took out his textbooks. This wasn't the usual Renjun and Jisung couldn't help but feel guilty. Chenle followed Jisung's stare, eyes lighting up when seeing the younger.

"Ah, thank you Sungie. See you later!" Chenle spoke cheerfully and Jisung wondered how the boy could always be so happy. The guilt grew stronger as he watched Renjun push Chenle away, slamming his locker shut and heading the opposite way. He made brief eye contact with Jisung and it looked as if he was about to cry.

Jisung was fucked.

-

Jisung slowly walked out into the courtyard where they usually sat, only seeing Mark, Donghyuck, Jeno, and Chenle. He felt a pang in his stomach again as he dragged his feet towards the group. He sat down, everyone greeting him except Mark who tried his best to avoid eye contact with the younger. Jisung shrugged it off, running his fingers through his hair, trying to pay attention to whatever Chenle was rambling to him. But he couldn't stray his mind from where Renjun and Jaemin where and what the hell happened.

Lunch was soon over and Jisung hurried away from the group as quick as possible, immersing with the crowd in the hallway. He nearly screamed as someone grabbed him by the wrist, dragging him towards classroom. He couldn't see who it was due to all the people in his way. He was thrown into a classroom, the door slamming shut behind whoever the hell it was. The person turned the light on revealing Renjun who didn't look so happy.

"Renjun-,"

"No. Don't say anything," Jisung gulped and nodded, staring at the slightly shorter boy. "I know you kissed Jaemin."

Jisung's heart dropped at those words. "How-,"

"Shush. Let me talk. I know you kissed Jaemin. And I know that Jaemin kissed you. And I'm not mad."

"Renjun, I-wait, what?"

"I'm not mad," Renjun spoke a bit quieter. "I mean... it was bound to happen. I saw how he looked at you when you first moved here and I saw how you looked at him. He doesn't call me anymore and I already knew why," The older's voice cracked at the end as he wiped a tear that fell. Jisung felt guilty for causing this. He knew that kissing Jaemin was wrong. He _knew_ what this would do to Jaemin and Renjun's relationship. And yet he still did it.

Jisung couldn't keep hurting Renjun. He needed to end this.

And he was gonna keep this promise.

"I won't do it anymore," Jisung started and Renjun looked at him weirdly. "I can't stand knowing that I'm the reason why you guys are broken. You had a bond and I'm sure there's still a connection there. I won't talk to him anymore. I won't bother you guys. I'm sorry, Renjun. I'm so sorry," Jisung convinced himself not to cry as he left the room. He couldn't cry, he didn't have the right to. This was all his fault anyway.

He caused this.

-

Jisung left school early. He turned his phone off to ignore the texts from everyone. He kept his head down as he walked to a little park. His school uniform wasn't doing enough to keep him warm as he sat on a bench, hugging his knees to his chest.

Fuck. Where was he gonna go now?

The sound of heels clicking made his head snap up. There stood his mom in a trench coat, her face littered with cuts and bruises, hands tucked deep into her pocket.

"Jisung..." his mom stood frozen, mouth agape as she stared at him.

"Hi, eomma,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliff hanger haha, but i'll try to update more consistently 
> 
> thank you for continuing to read.


	12. twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another long wait for an update, but yeah here you go :,)
> 
> even though they changed their hair color, i decided to keep jisung blonde and everyone else the same (chenle:green, jaemin:pink, etc.)now cause it just fits the story better 
> 
> i'll try to have quicker updates (even though i already promised to) but i'm serious this time haha hope you enjoy as always.  
> (again creds to my sister for forcing me to update)

"And he told me not to go looking for you, that it'd be better without you," Jisung's mom concluded as the two sat side by side on the bench, a good amount of space between them. Jisung doesn't know if he'll ever forgive his mother, but he'd be civil for now.

"You believe him, didn't you?" His mother was quiet for a moment, leaving Jisung to continue. "You still blame me for dad's death."

It was kinda sad how Jisung's mother couldn't look him in the eye, but Jisung already predicted this anyway.

"Jisung, I don't blame you. It's just, every time I look at you, I see your father and..." she trailed off. Jisung shook his head, running his fingers through his hair. "I don't know what to do. Everything we own is under Minyoung's name now and he doesn't want you back into his house. I'd have to move out and find a better paying job, completely start over. You'd have to leave that expensive school and all the friends you've made. I know I've never said this before, but I want you to have a better future than I did. I don't want you to have to live off of someone else your whole life."

Jisung was a bit shocked at this sudden information until an idea came into his head. "I'll get a job, too. Mom, I don't want you to have to live like this. Minyoung's an asshol-bad person. We don't have to stay with him. I know you'd never love him like you love dad. Can we forget about the past and start over?"

Jisung's mother looked up from her folded hands to gaze at Jisung with watery eyes. "You're so much like your father," she smiled sadly before nodding. "Minyoung's on a business trip for two weeks. I'm sure we can pack the stuff we need most and I can search for an apartment somewhere in the city. We'd be short on time, but we can do it.

-

Jisung didn't go to school for the following week. He knew he'd have to go back eventually to clean out his locker since his mother already took him out of that school system. His phone has been buzzing with texts from everyone and it hurt him to ignore them, but he knew that he'd cause less pain by doing it. What if his friends found out about him and Jaemin? They'd hate him, for sure. He didn't know if he could handle hurting anyone else.

-

Jisung was stuffing random clothes into his suitcases when he heard a knock at the front door. His mom was out apartment searching, so he was alone. He ran his fingers through his hair, a bit exhausted from so much packing, ut still managed to drag his body to the front door, surprised to see Chenle standing there.

"Sungie!" and all Jisung saw was a flash on green hair engulf him into a hug. He hesitantly hugged back because deep down, he really missed everyone. Chenle pulled back, his expression soon changing. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Huh?"

"Don't play dumb. You've been M.I.A. for a week, ignoring all of our texts and calls. Jaemin _cried_ over you. Mark literally had to stop him from breaking into your house to check on you. Do you know how worried we were?" Chenle went off, poking Jisung in the chest to prove his point. Jisung sighed.

"Chenle... I-I don't know how to say this," Jisung looked away for a moment. "I'm not going to that school anymore. And I'm moving. No out of Seoul, but out of this part of the city,"

Chenle's frown deepened as he took in the news. "Oh," was all he could say. They stood awkwardly for a moment "Everyone's at my house, I won at rock, paper, scissors to come see you. You're going to go over there and tell everyone so that we can stop worrying over you. No excuses."

And even if Jisung did have an excuse, he knew that Chenle would ignore it anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next like two or three chapters won't have that much minsung (to keep the plot going) but after those, it's literally going to be straight mochi and nana, so yeah! expect the next chapter very soon!
> 
> also THANK YOU FOR 1500+ HITS?!?!? i honestly thought this story was gonna flop, but since you guys like it sm, it keeps me motivated so your comments and kudos are appreciated!! AGAIN TYSM FOR 1500+ READS *cries while hugging everyone*
> 
> SORRY THIS CHAPTER WAS SHORT (shorter chapters=quicker updates) BUT I'LL TRY TO MAKE THEM LONGER IN THE FUTURE


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